


the wrong year

by sourgrapes



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: JASON STOP REPRESSING YOUR EMOTIONS, M/M, Pre-Slash, someone has to make content for this pairing and I guess that someone is ME, this is just gonna be a collection for my jaykyle fics now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-05-27 02:58:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15015179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sourgrapes/pseuds/sourgrapes
Summary: he wanted to pry open his chest, to spill out the emotions that were buried within and sort them out. he wanted to pull out his heart and make it stop skipping a beat whenever he saw that stupid smile.





	1. twin human highway flares

**Author's Note:**

> Jason is 19 because I found some people saying he was and I like the idea that he's just a 19-year-old idiot who has no idea what he's doing.

The sound of the city was something Jason had come to love. It formed a chorus, a symphony of life and bitter survival despite the odds. The shouts of taxi drivers and the bustle of the streets turned into a melody that lightened his steps, reminding him he wasn't a ghost. Reminding him that he was here, right now, surrounded by the best of the worst people in the world.

Gotham was recently voted one of the worst places in America to live but, for Jason, it was home. The orchestra of the city floated into his open window, filling his empty apartment with noise, the lights from the street painting his walls with color. From the floor he listened as the sound of a siren pierced through the mantra.

A cigarette hung loosely from his mouth, his lighter buried in a stack of clothes on the other side of the room, abandoned with his shoes to a life of disuse until his next outing. Until the next time he needed to run away from this town. His phone buzzed by his head, another call from someone Jason was sure he didn’t want to talk to. Someone who wanted more from him then he could give.

So, instead of answer his phone he stayed on the floor, shirtless and covered in bandages. If Alfred could see him he’d surely have a fit. He’d fuss over him. Patching up his wounds as if Jason was still only a child, still a bright-eyed bird that ran too fast into danger. But he wasn’t a child, the ache in his bones and the scars that littered his skin proved this.

His arms shook as he raised his hands into the air, stretching them out, trying to catch the colors of the city between his fingers. His phone’s buzzing slowly stopped, the screen fading to black as the battery finally died, leaving him alone to his thoughts again. His shoulder popped as he sat up, the tension in his body slipping away as he tried to force circulation back into his limbs.

 

Outside someone screamed and Jason felt himself tense before the noise broke into laughter. He sighed, his hands tangling in his hair, trying to work the stress out of his skin with each nervous breath. The clock on the wall’s hour hand moved, landing over the three, the muffled ticking matching his heartbeat. A yawn built up in the back of his throat, but he swallowed it down, pushing himself onto his feet.

He shuffled towards the window, sliding out and onto the fire escape, the metal biting into his bare feet. The heat of summer washed over his bare shoulders. He leaned against the railing, staring up at the sky. Watching as stars strained against the harsh light of the city, their glow muted by the gloom that seemed to surround the area. It made his chest ache.

Overhead a plane flew, a green light flickering in a steady beat. The color almost made him nostalgic, the glow reminding him of a time long past. Of a life he lived long before he had managed to defeat his demons enough to be able to survive.

He wondered what that stupid Green Lantern was up to. Maybe he was somewhere in the galaxy, smiling and flirting with some kind of alien Jason had never heard of before. There was nothing holding him back after all. When Jason had seen Donna, standing alongside her while stopping a bank robbery turned hostage situation, she had mentioned the breakup.

 

She had said it while smiling as if it was something Jason needed to know. As if by telling him Kyle was available she was doing Jason some kind of favor. He had smirked and said something about it not lasting long, finishing the job and ducking away from her before the rest of her hero friends made an appearance.

The last thing he needed was to be around the Titans, to feel their judging eyes on him as he stood there. Thinking about them made his skin crawl, being around them made him wish he was still six feet under. So he had run, like he always did, and buried the memory like everything else. Like he buried the feelings he once carried in his heart in favor of rage.

But it had been four years since he dragged himself out of the grave. Four years since he swallowed his pride and learned to lean on those around him. In those four years the anger he used to carry faded, the blaze of self-righteous rage dying inside his chest. Now he was just nineteen, almost twenty now, and tired.

 

With the exhaustion came reflection and he began to look back. He began to uncover the feelings he had hidden away, looking them over, trying to find out if they had the answer to what he felt was missing in him.

One of his discoveries was that, somewhere along the line, he had developed a crush on a certain Green Lantern. It was frustrating, something he had never really prepared for. He was used to dealing with having feelings for women, he could deal with those emotions. Most relationships with women were casual, light-hearted and doomed to end sooner than later. But whenever it came to Kyle his chest would get tight, his hands would clam up, and he felt like he might drown.

It was so stupid because he never even saw Kyle. Like, sure, sometimes he’d see him when he’d turn on the TV and see dumb Justice League stuff but it wasn’t like Kyle ever _talked!_ No, that was the worst part, Jason didn’t have a crush on the Green Lantern. No, his dumb ass had to have a crush on Kyle Rayner, the artist whose work he stumbled upon by chance. It was stupid and pointless and he hated it.

He wanted to pry open his chest, to spill out the emotions that were buried within and sort them out. He wanted to pull out his heart and make it stop skipping a beat whenever he saw that stupid smile. It was a scary feeling, something he wasn't used to. It was a weakness he never asked for. A side of him he could never show to anyone in fear of it being used against him.

 

Somewhere, in another apartment, someone yelled at their TV. The sound of a soccer game was muffled by the walls. Jason closed his eyes, breathing in the city air, and resting his head against the railing. His phone buzzed again, apparently more alive then Jason had originally believed. He returned inside, scooping it up and squinting at the harsh white light.

Donna's picture stared back at him and Jason found himself wondering how she had gotten his number and when she had put herself in his contacts. He hit answer after a moment of hesitation, holding the phone up to his ear. He was greeted by the sound of faint music, the muffled sound of a restaurant filling his ears.

"Hello?" He choked out, his voice hoarse from disuse. From spending hours laying on the floor in silence. He heard the sound of someone moving, sound of a cup being put down before a familiar voice reached him.

"Jason!" Donna sounded more excited to speak to him then anyone had in the past four years. It was concerning to say the least, and he found himself sliding down on the floor next to his bed. "I've been trying to get a hold of you for almost an hour now! Why didn't you pick up your phone?" 

Jason snorted, a bit surprised to find himself being scolded for not answering the phone.  "You do realize it's 3 am right? I know I used to be Batman's brat but I need to sleep at some point." He shouldn't tease. They both knew he rarely slept normally but he didn't want to confess that he had been avoiding human interaction.

Donna clicked her tongue, the hint of a laugh slipping out before she swallowed it down. 

"Tomorrow Kyle and I are meeting up for lunch." Jason felt his heart stutter for a second. He took a deep breath, forcing a false sense of calm to fill his veins.

"Okay?"

"I wanted to know if you wanted to join! I think it'd be fun for the three of us to talk about the old times." Her tone was so warm, open in a way that always took Jason by surprise. She sounded like she wanted him around. That she didn't think inviting the Dead Robin would ruin her afternoon. He tried to squash the hope that he felt bubbling up in his chest, remembering all the other people who had left him behind. All the missed calls and unread texts that lived in his phone

"You mean almost dying in multiple realities? That sounds like a great topic for conversation." She didn't bother holding back her laugh this time and Jason couldn't bite back his smile.

"Oh don't say it like that! It'll be fun!" She was so cheerful. So bright that it almost felt like he was staring at the sun. "So you'll come?"

He couldn't deny her. Not when she sounded so happy at the idea of spending time with someone like him. It was a rare enough occurrence.

"Yeah, I'll come. Just text me the details." 

From there the conversation broke off, floating from topic to topic. They talked about old times, about climbing into the vent in the Hall of Justice and getting stuck. About stealing Hal's power ring simply because they could. It drifted from their childhood chaos to the Titans. Donna was happy to talk about how Roy was doing and Jason was content to just listen. Somewhere, deep down, he wanted to ask her to take care of the archer. But, then again, he knew he didn't have to. Donna would keep Roy safe, and Jason could sleep knowing his best friend wouldn't die or fall back into his old mistakes.

Outside Gotham thrived, the sound an anthem for this three AM talk. As he lay there, listening to the Amazonian talk, he realized it was something he cherished. Despite how much he avoided the city and how often the dark streets made him want to throw up. Because Gotham was broken, violent, and yet so full of life. It was a hopeless city that was full of hopeful people. 

 

* * *

 

Donna Troy had always had an ethereal kind of beauty to her. Every move she made spoke of her unwavering strength, every smile a promise of something not even Jason could understand. It was something that struck Jason whenever he saw her, leaving him in silent awe for a few precious moments. This is why it wasn't surprising that he had sworn he was in love with her once, long before his death and revival. 

Back when he had been just a child she had him tangled around her finger, every laugh enough to inspire him to keep fighting. To keep trying to be worthy of his title as Robin. The feeling grew in his chest, digging it's roots deep between his ribs, until he was unable to hate Donna. She had wormed her way into his heart, made herself a home there, and lived between his nostalgia for the past and the bitter sadness he couldn't shake. Loving Donna, looking at her with a quiet awe, was just part of who he was now.

As he sat in the quiet dinner, staring down at his coffee, these feelings resurfaced. He could feel her foot bumping against his as she swung it back and forth, her fingers drumming a steady rhythm on the table as they waited.  She had smiled when she had walked in and seen Jason, shaking some rain from her umbrella, a laugh on the edge of her lips as she pulled him into a hug. 

Thunder rumbled faintly overhead, the sound shaking some of the silverware on the table. Donna's drink sat untouched, condensation soaking the area around the glass. A lipstick stain marked the edge, a sign that she had taken a sip when Jason wasn't looking. Her purse sat in the booth next to her, the sound of her text tone becoming a steady mantra. Jason had wanted to mention it, wanted to ask why she was ignoring it, but he was terrified to break the comfortable silence that had settled between them. 

The sound of the dinner's bell broke the silence instead, announcing a new arrival, a familiar face that was hidden underneath a raincoat. Jason glanced over, blinked, and returned his gaze to his coffee as his heart lurched into his throat. He listened to the footsteps, listened to the sound of someone approaching, not daring to make eye contact.

"Holy shit." The voice was still as obnoxious as he remembered, the sound making his stomach drop. "Jason?"

Jason lifted his head, squinting a bit against the harsh overhead light to meet those stupid, familiar eyes. Shock painted Kyle's face and the pieces fell together. Donna had set this up without Kyle knowing.

"Hey." His voice was weaker then he remembered it being, but he just took a long swig of his coffee before trying again. "I was in the neighborhood and heard Donna was planning on having a nice afternoon with you. So I thought I'd show up."

Donna snorted, shifting in her seat to smile at the Lantern. "I invited him to join us. You don't mind, right?" The way she asked didn't leave room for refusal. Jason was joining them, apparently, and Kyle was going to have to deal with it. 

"Sure, as long as he promises not to act gloomy the entire time." Jason scoffed, placing a hand over his heart in mock horror.

"Me? Gloomy?" He gasped, the hint of a smile pulling at the corner of his lips, watching as Kyle's eyes lit up with laughter. "Compared to the old man in Gotham I'm like a ray of sunshine."  

"No, that would be Nightwing." Donna supplied and Jason nodded along.

"You got me there." He sighed, folding his arms over his chest. "Ok, fine. I'm like, 3rd place in the Happy Bat-Brat Competition."

"Who's 2nd?" Kyle asked, looking more curious then he should be. Jason flashed him a smile, all teeth and mischief. 

"Robin when he gets to stab someone." Donna smacked a hand over her mouth, swallowing back a giggle. Kyle simply hummed in understanding, nudging Jason until he moved over in the booth, settling in next to him without much fuss.

A silence settled over the three of them, slowly warping into a quiet conversation as Donna brought up Kori, asking Kyle if he had heard anything about the woman's whereabouts. He hadn't but he promised to keep an eye out for her next time he was away, a promise Jason was weirdly reassured by. Surely if Starfire needed help with anything Kyle could handle it, maybe. Probably. He hoped Kori didn't need any help with anything ever.

From there it had spun out of control, evolving into a competition between Kyle and Jason. Kyle had claimed he had to fight weirder things then Jason could even imagine for the sake of justice. Jason replied by reminding him about the gutter people in Gotham. Donna acted as the ref and, in the end, Kyle won. But only barely and entirely because there was apparently an entire race that viewed Guy Gardener as their queen. 

By the time their food arrived all the tension Jason had felt faded away, leaving him warm and smiling. Donna kept giving him knowing looks, her eyes darting to Kyle when he wasn't looking and Jason swallowed his nerves. He shook his head eventually, deciding he wouldn't push it. Not today, not when things were going so well. 

He buried his crush behind his lungs, leaving it there to rot. He was happy enough just talking to Kyle for once. To able to spend time with him and Donna. To be around someone who wouldn't look at him like he was a broken piece of something bigger. 

As he sat there, in a tiny cafe on the outskirts of New York city, Jason didn't feel like a ghost. 

 

 

 


	2. space cowboy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a note: all of this takes place BEFORE outlaws reborn. So no Artemis

Donna’s apartment was cold, the air conditioning kept on high in order to fight off the sticky heat of the outdoors. The cold tile left marks Jason cheek as he lay sprawled across the kitchen floor, an empty soda can resting next to his head. Above him Kyle sat on the kitchen counter, his legs swinging back and forth like a pendulum, keeping rhythm with the muffled music coming from the apartment next door. The TV droned on faintly, keeping Kyle's undivided attention. Donna slept a few feet away, her legs hanging over the arm of the couch, her arm draped over her face to shield her eyes from the evening sun.

Two weeks after being dragged to the diner he was dragged home with Donna instead, a bag of McDonald’s quickly shoved in his hands and a seat on the couch being offered to him. So he took it, making a place in his life for two people he never thought he’d see again. He set aside every Saturday, making time for a casual lunch or even a phone-call.

It wasn’t much and things weren’t entirely perfect, but he was a month in and no longer felt this overwhelming fear that he would be abandoned once his true colors bled through his facade. He hadn’t worked up the courage to ask Donna for help with the feelings he had to keep burying. But he was planning to, eventually. Once he was certain she wouldn’t laugh in his face at the prospect of Jason Todd trying to love someone.

As the Adventure Time theme played again Jason pushed himself to his feet, grunting and hobbling towards the balcony. He pressed his fingers into the chilled glass door, his breath creating a fog, before he pushed it open. He sat down right in the doorway, stretching his legs out as far as he could as the warmth of late June washed over him.

The sound of footsteps approached him after a minute had passed, pausing right behind him. Jason tilted his head back, looking up to find Kyle staring down at him, a McDonald’s cup held in both hands. They stared at each other for a bit, content to relax in a quiet silence while Donna snored faintly a few steps away.

After a moment Kyle shrugged and slid down to sit next to Jason, their shoulders brushing as the lantern made himself comfortable in the narrow doorway. Jason huffed, moving forward until he was on sitting outside instead, his back pressed against the glass, shifting a bit until he wasn’t feeling similar to a sardine.

“So,” Kyle dragged out the o and Jason lifted his head, eyebrow quirked in confusion. “Whatcha doin’?”

Jason shrugged, popping his knuckles as he turned his head to watch the sunset. Kyle hummed, leaning until his head was right next to Jason’s.

“Do you see anything like this when you’re up there?” Jason asked, his voice quiet, curiosity laced through his voice.

Kyle seemed to think it over, tilting his head as he watched the sky turn colors as the sun sank lower. “No.” He answered and his voice almost sounded fond. “I’ve seen all sorts of stuff out there but, no, nothing beats something like this.” Jason smiled, closing his eyes a bit.

He knew Kyle was just talking about the sunset, sure, but he let his heart believe that the lantern was talking about this moment they were sharing if only for a precious moment.

“That’s high praise coming from a guy who’s kissed a million alien girls.” Kyle laughed with him, muttering something about it being more like a thousand.

“So? Have you ever kissed anyone?” Kyle asked and Jason startled, turning his head a bit, too startled to put up his walls for a moment. “I mean,”  Kyle sputtered, frowned, and then put his drink down. He held his hands up as if he were trying to ward off an attack. “Shit that’s actually super rude of me to ask, huh? I’m sorry.”

Jason frowned, shaking his head, morbidly curious for the reasoning behind the question. His heartbeat pounded in his ears, nervousness only muffled by the exhaustion that hung heavily over him. “Why do you ask?” he pressed, blue eyes searching those stupidly familiar hazel ones.

“I just meant— Well you died when you were fifteen so I dunno…” Kyle trailed off, playing with a hole in his jeans. Jason paused, trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together, to try to figure out why Kyle would want to know that.

Eventually he sighed, quietly pulling his legs close to his chest. “I have.” He confessed, and it was Kyle’s turn to be thrown off, his eyes growing wide as his head snapped up to look at Jason.

“What?”

“I kissed someone.” He explained, waving his hand vaguely in the air, his fingers dangling limply. “Before I died and after.”

“Oh.” Kyle almost sounded dejected and Jason felt his heart seize, a frown tugging at his lips. Kyle just went back to picking at his jeans, a silence settling over the two of them. Jason turned his head fully, staring up at Kyle as his mind wandered away. Somewhere inside of him the small piece of courage he had left screamed, telling him to open his mouth. He tried to force it to be quiet, his rational mind holding it and his fickle heart at gunpoint. But his heart still skipped a few beats, his ears still heated up, and his tongue still felt like cotton.

“I’ve never kissed someone while watching the sunset.” he whispered, so quiet that he was almost sure that Kyle hadn’t heard him. But Kyle froze, his hands stilling over his knee, the frayed strands sticking up in an unruly fashion.

He was almost sure he had crossed a line. He was certain he had done something he shouldn’t have and ruined whatever it was he had managed to find here. He squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for the confusion or the taunting to start. But instead there was a hand on his cheek, a cold wet hand that pulled his face closer, the feeling of someone’s breath on his lips crashing over him in waves.

Slowly, feeling more terrified than he had been in years, he opened his eyes. Kyle’s nose almost touched his and those stupid eyes were staring right into his, the emotion behind them one of the few things Jason couldn’t read.

“We should change that.” Jason felt Kyle’s words more than heard them, leaning forward to fill the tiny gap that was between the two of them. Kyle leaned down, his hand snaking into the back of Jason’s hair, fingers tangling in the strands as he pulled Jason closer and shit!

Kyle’s lips tasted like Sunkist and green apple flavored candies. It was so strange and yet so very Kyle that it was almost intoxicating. Jason chased the taste, each chaste press of their lips sending sparks through his skin. He reached out, his hands finding the side of Kyle’s neck, his fingers trembling as they pressed into skin.

In the apartment next door the music slowly droned to a stop, leaving the two of them in silence. Slowly Kyle pulled back, his mouth hanging open in awe. Jason turned, more out of fear than anything else, and stared back up at the sky again. He watched as reds faded into purples, pulling his knees close to his chest, listening to Kyle try to find his words. To find the right way to reject him.

Before he could there was a beep, the sound of the ring on Kyle’s finger announcing that some world was in danger. Kyle swore in a hoarse, angry voice. “Fuck I have to— Jason I—” Kyle sounded desperate and Jason turned, putting on his best smile.

He would be brave, he wouldn't beg Kyle not to leave, because that's who he was. When Kyle came back they could forget this happened, they could return to the casual sort of friendship they had somehow developed. Kyle would mention one of his alien girlfriends and Jason would laugh, shake his head, and try to force the jealousy he felt down.

“Go on, Starboy.” He teased, licking his lips nervously, crossing his arms over his chest to protect his heart. To keep it from jumping out and giving itself to Kyle without a single regret. “I’ll tell Donna you had a galaxy to save and had to leave when she wakes up.”

Kyle paused, seeming to fight with himself before he nodded, rising to his feet and sliding on his ring. The balcony was filled with green and suddenly the Green Lantern stood before him. The color he used to see in his nightmares. Kyle turned, his face hidden beneath a mask, his lips pressed together nervously. So Jason slid on his own, a fake smile sliding into place. They stared at each other, a competition to see who would crack first before Kyle straightened a bit.

"Tell her I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye." His voice was strange and Jason waved lazily as the Lantern turned. He watched quietly as he took off into the sky, fading into nothing more than a streak of light. Up, up, off into the stars. A piece of Jason's heart flying off with him.

 

* * *

 

Kyle didn’t come back next week.

Or the week after that.

Days ticked passed and Jason kept his eyes trained to the sky. He listened to whispers from The League, and he waited for some kind of sign. Soon June was coming to an end and Donna decided that the two of them should just meet without Kyle. Just until he got back.

Which was how he ended up with Donna Troy sitting cross-legged on his bed, in the middle of his safe house, looking at him like a disappointed parent. Jason had to swallow the instinct to just apologize, resting his hands on his hips instead.

“What?” He huffed, waiting for her to tear into him for punching a criminal too hard or stabbing someone who got a little too handsy with a girl in an alley, just like Bruce always did. Instead her frowned just deepened, her forehead creasing with the effort to look mad at him.

“Why won’t you just talk to me?” Jason blinked, frowned, and then tried to process the sentence again. Trying to figure out if he had heard Donna right.

“I’m sorry?” Suddenly Donna was on her feet, her hands pressed against his cheeks, holding his head in place. Jason knew better than trying to go against the hold, fearful of what Amazonian strength could do to his neck. So he just stood there, letting her stare deep into his eyes, searching for something he wasn’t sure he had.

“You like Kyle.” Jason choked on the sigh he was about to let out, sputtering and coughing, bending forward as he tried to breathe normally. But Donna was merciless, tired of waiting for his walls to come down. Instead decided to break through them all, her hands moving from his face to his shoulders, steadying him with her touch. “You have a crush on Kyle and you miss him. You’re in pain yet you won’t rely on those around you.”

“What are you talking about?! Kyle’s just a friend!” he wheezed, feigning ignorance in a vain hope that he could weasel his way out of this conversation. But Donna kept him pinned under her gaze, her eyes seeing through his lies.

Slowly her mouth turned up a bit in a teasing smile. “You kissed him before he left Jason.” He felt his blood drain from his face, his stomach dropping, his coughing coming to a stop as he was drenched in this realization.

“You saw that?” his voice was weak and Donna had to keep herself from laughing, taking her hands from his shoulder before returning to her seat on the bed.

“I’m a light sleeper.” She patted the spot next to her, an invitation to sit, to let his guard down all the way. He thought it over for a moment, weighing his options before relenting.

“Noted.” He sighed, flopping down onto his back, staring up at the stained ceiling overhead. “So you found out about it then?”

“Ohoho no.” Donna laughed, running a hand through his tangled hair, soothing the nerves that welled up in his chest. “No, I’ve known for a while.”

“You have?” His eyes moved from the ceiling to her expression and she lifted her eyebrow at him, amused and a bit shocked.

“You called him ‘dreamy’ Jason.” Jason frowned, thinking back, trying to remember if he did. Eventually he realized that yeah, no, he did that. He sighed, covering his face with his hands.

“....Shit.” Donna chuckled, patting his cheek in the most patronizing attempt to be comforting.

“Why do you think I fell asleep so early during so many of our movie nights.” Jason gasped, pulling his hands from his face to stare up at her.

“Holy shit you were trying to be my wingman.”

“Woman.” She corrected, and Jason grunted in assent.

“Wingwoman.” He echoed and her laughed filled his room like bells. Jason grinned up at her, cherishing the sound. “See this is why you’re my favorite Amazonian.”

“I would hope so, I’ve babysat you for years now.”

“Keeping me from freezing to death once or twice doesn’t count as babysitting.” She pinched his cheek and OUCH! Ok, don’t tease an Amazonian Jason.

“It’s better than ignoring you.” Images of Dick Grayson popped in his head, remembering how the asshole had spent the first year Jason was Robin either pointing out what he did wrong or pretending he wasn’t there at all. Ok, so Donna had a point. Also Dick Grayson was a shitty older brother.

“Fair point.” he sighed, rubbing at his sore face, praying Donna wouldn’t try it again. He had an image to maintain after all, if she kept damaging his face he’d have nothing to work with. Except guns. He still had his guns.

She kept up a steady pace of carding her fingers through his hair, brushing his bangs from his face as they sat in silence, the movements lulling him into a sense of calm.

“What am I gonna do Donna?” he whispered, letting his eyes fall closed, sleep tugging at the edge of his senses. She made a thoughtful noise, her movements stopping for a moment.

“Well, I have a few ideas.” She murmured, smoothing the wrinkle between his eyebrow out with her thumb, "You've already kissed him, so why not just ask him on a date?"

Jason huffed at that, cracking one eye open to check her expression. "It's totally not gonna be that easy."

"Probably not, but it's worth a try."

 

* * *

 

Soon June became July and Kyle still hadn't returned. Despite Donna's reassurance a small voice in the back of his mind whispered that it was because of the kiss. It told him that he had scared the lantern off, that he was hiding from Jason. Every day wore down his courage, the bravery he thought he had turned into smoke without him even realizing it.

Eventually, a green lantern returned to earth. But it wasn't Kyle. No, it was Hal Jordan, still donned in green and knocking on Donna's door softly. His hands bunched into tight fists, his eyes staring holes through the floor. Jason peered over back of Donna's couch, still clutching the Wonder Woman plush she had shoved into his arms earlier that day. Hal spoke quietly, his head hanging low, and Jason could hear the sound of the wood of the doorframe cracking under Donna's grip.

He watched the fractures grow, tiny chips of wood falling to the floor. Time seemed to pass in slow motion, Donna closing the door on Hal after a moment, slinking to the couch as if she was approaching a wild animal.

Her face was ashen and she looked on the verge of tears. Jason didn't ask what Hal had said, didn't have to. He knew that look. He knew those eyes all too well. Instead he let Donna rest her head on his shoulder and cry her heart out, mourning for the friend she had lost. And Jason, well, he swallowed back his tears. He hid them until he returned to his safe house, buried them under soothing words for someone who needed comfort more than him. Because Donna deserved better. 

But, when he returned home, the dam broke and the hurricane began. As he lay in the wake of his own destruction, shards of a broken picture frame scattered across his floor that he made up his mind. Slowly, violently, he wretched his emotions back into his control. Then he picked himself up, putting all the pieces that had fallen apart back together. He packed his bags, taking everything he needed from the safehouse, and trashed his phone. 

He took a bus from Gotham the next day armed with only his gear, his bag, and a file on a crimelord he was going to hunt down. He left a note for Donna, apologizing for disappearing. He left a call with Alfred, asking him to let Bruce know he'd be back soon, hopefully to collect a body. As he stared out the window of the Greyhound he watched as the city faded away into the countryside, a promise of green pastures before he arrived in DC.

He thumbed through the case file absentmindedly, skimming over the details. Roman Sionis was a really stupid name, now that he thought about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops


	3. losing my mind

Jason frowned, glaring over his drink as a red-haired woman moved to sit next to him at the bar, her heels tapping against his seat as she stared him down. He held his hand up when she opened her mouth, silently asking her to pause with a look, before rubbing at his temples. He tried to will the whispers of a migraine away, praying it would at least wait till he was home and in bed before it hit him in full force.

Finally he groaned, lifting his head a bit, and looked at his companion. “Alright, run that by me again.” He had to shout over the thrum of the bass, leaning forward so he could hear her clearly. The woman lifted a perfectly groomed brow, looking him up and down before leaning a bit closer. She put a hand on his shoulder and he felt himself startle, his eyes darting around the club.

To any passerby it would just look like Jason was getting lucky with a pretty redhead, doing his oldest sibling proud by following in his footsteps. Artemis made a convincing sorority girl, her makeup and manicured nails masking the fact she was a warrior that could rip a man’s throat out without hesitation. It was impressive, scary as shit, but extremely impressive.

“I said: It would be easier to find our target if we could search the dancefloor.” She repeated, pointing a long finger at the bodies that seemed to move together. It snapped Jason back into focus, the open case file he had been staring at earlier appearing in the forefront of his mind. He leaned back, eyes moving over the crowd.

Right. They were here on a mission. They had taken up the task tracking down an arms dealer– some weirdo that went by the name White Rabbit– who seemed to be dabbling in human trafficking just outside of Metropolis lately. It wasn’t something Artemis would usually agree to help him with but he’d asked for backup and Bizzaro couldn’t really play the part.

“So are you gonna dance?” Jason already knew she wasn’t. Deep, deep down he knew exactly what she was about to ask him to do. But it was worth a shot, a vain attempt to save what dignity he had left.

The woman tilted her head at him, folding her arms over her chest, carefully done nails drumming an unamused rhythm on her upper arm. “You have already forced me to dress in this manner. I will not debase myself anymore, Jason.” Well, damn. When she put it like that.

Jason held his hands up in surrender, turning in his chair a bit so they two of them were face to face. “Alright fine.” He grumbled, slipping off his jacket and handing it to her. “Just know you’re passing up the chance to meet a nice girl.”

Her face twisted up at his comment, her nose wrinkling in disgust. “I do not need your help in finding a partner Jason.” She huffed, her nails digging into the leather of the jacket. You’d think Jason said something horrible, but, it seemed that embarrassment and disgust were close neighbors for the Amazonian.

“See, you say that and yet you’re still single.” Jason teased, ordering another shot before sliding from the bar stool.

“If you value your life you will cease this teasing and proceed with your task.” She growled, and Jason laughed, watching as a smile flickered on the edge of her lips.

“Ok, you win.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair, bracing himself for the claustrophobia that would come as soon as he stepped into the dance floor. The throng of bodies loomed before him like a hoard, the chatter of the crowd buzzing in his ears.  “Keep an eye out for trouble ok?”

“Do not go and cause it.” Was all the Amazonian said, folding the jacket in her lap and turning back towards the bar. Towards the woman that was tending the bar, a smile tugging at her lips. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Jason called, taking one last deep breath before stepping into the middle of the crowd. Bodies surged around him, moving to the rhythm of a song Jason hadn’t heard before. Jason hadn’t heard a lot of songs.

The whiskey he downed dulled his senses, keeping his nerves from screaming in terror at how close everyone seemed to be. It kept him from lashing out when hands brushed against his side and shoulders bumped into his.

He was out of his element. No matter how much false confidence he pushed forward the boom of the speakers swallowed it. So he just stood there, nervous, eyes darting around like a cornered animal. He could feel his fingers begin to tremble, a sure sign that if he didn’t do something soon he would surely end up falling apart.

He needed a distraction, or more whiskey, or something stronger than both of those things. He was about to back out of the crowd and just hand the case over to someone who could adapt to places like this when someone tapped his shoulder, startling him from his panic. He wrestled his emotions back into control, wrenching them back into the darkest part of his heart before he turned.

What he saw sure as hell took his breath away. The guy before him was a spitting image of Kyle, that stupid face and dumb curls were so painfully familiar. It was as if he was staring at a ghost. If the man’s hands weren’t bare of any rings and his eyes a brighter green than Jason remembered Kyle’s ever being he might have believed it was that stupid lantern, back from the dead and here to steal his heart again.

The man smiled at him, a brilliant dazzling smile that made Jason’s heart seize up a bit. So he pressed his lips together, tilting his head in confusion, trying not to speak his mind. The man just kept smiling, leaning forward until he was in Jason’s personal space.

“I noticed you looked a little lost. Would you like to dance?” It was an olive branch. A gift from whatever deity still bothered to look out for Jason in these trying times. It was also a chance for him to stop looking like a shifty, suspicious teenager that snuck into a bar. Though, technically he wasn’t supposed to be here since he was only twenty but hey! He’d be twenty-one soon enough.

So Jason smiled, trying to be as dazzling and friendly as Dick Grayson always was. He nodded his head, letting this man take his hand and lead him deeper into the fray. He could feel the bass of the music thumping around in his chest, dragging his heart into a nervous two-step.

Soon the warm grip on his hand vanished and those green eyes were looking down at him again, burning with expectation and excitement Jason couldn’t really wrap his mind around. So he just sighed, closing his eyes as tight as he could and swallowing down what little pride he had left. He could do this though, he could pretend to dance and have fun. He had to. Artemis would kill him if he had made her wear a dress for nothing.

The man’s laugh reached his ears, and Jason looked up to see he was holding his hands out in an offering. As if he could be the lifeline Jason needed. So, like the idiot he’s always been, he took the bait. He let the man pull him closer, letting him lead.

Hands appeared on his waist, swaying him and guiding him. He let himself be pushed and pulled like the tide. There was a distance between the two of them, enough that Jason could breathe, but it seemed to grow smaller as each minute passed. Each step seemed to bring him closer and closer into this man’s web. Those green eyes bore into him as gentle hands slid to his hips, hovering there loosely.

The man leaned down after a moment, his mouth brushing against Jason’s ear. “I just realized I didn’t ask for your name.” Oh, formalities. Jason thought this guy was just trying to get in his pants  _ without  _ asking for his name. He leaned up a bit, nose to nose with his guy, staring in those bright eyes. Only so he could be heard clearly.

“It’s Jason.” He must have been drunk because he didn’t feel any hesitation in giving away his name to a stranger. The man flashed him a smile that was painfully familiar, all teeth and dimples, and it made Jason’s heart stutter for a moment. Feelings he strangled and locked away surging to the surface for only a moment.

“It’s nice to meet you Jason.” Likewise. Jason let himself peer over the man’s shoulder, looking for danger merely out of instinct at this point “I’m Ion.”

Now that wasn’t a name he’d heard before. “That’s a cool name. Are you from around here?” He felt his hands moving upwards, floating from his sides to rest over Ion’s heart, feeling the music rattle his chest.

“I’m from everywhere.” Jason rolled his eyes, feeling the distance grow smaller as those hands on his hips seemed to finally make contact.

“Alright smartass, don’t tell me then.” Jason could feel Ion’s chest rumble with laughter under his fingertips, the vibrations shooting through his arms like electricity. That smile looked so familiar and Jason turned in the man’s grip, putting his back to Ion and trying to ignore the feeling of nostalgia that was forming a knot in his throat.

Before he realized it his back was against the man’s chest, the two of them moving in a comfortable sync. The music seemed to fade into a numb droll as he felt a breath on the shell of his ear, words he couldn’t make out being murmured against his skin. If he had been sober he probably would have decided that, yeah, it was time to leave before he let his feelings get the better of him. But he wasn’t sober and Artemis wasn’t there to keep him on target.

So instead he reached his hand back, fingers finding curly hair and burying into it, letting himself drown in dreams of what-ifs for a moment. That if Kyle hadn’t vanished into space this could have been the two of them. Jason could have brought him along for this mission instead of an Amazonian who would rather be anywhere else.

A piece of him felt bad for Ion. He was just using him, letting him be a replacement for a man Jason could never have. Eventually, that guilt overwhelmed his need to pretend and he tilted his head back, poised to apologize and to move away from the man.

But, instead, a pair of lips met his, the taste of spearmint and green apple candies flooding his senses. Just like that it was over, and he let all of his feelings escape with a sigh, leaning into the touch.

“I’m sorry,” Ion’s voice was hoarse by his ear and Jason was hit with a sense of deja vu. “I just… I really wanted to kiss you.”

Jason laughed at that, his lips turning up at the notion that anyone would want to kiss  _ him  _ of all people. No, if the man knew what kind of person he was dancing with he’d surely run. But Jason didn’t have to tell him that. Not now at least, tilting his head back further, his eyes darting back towards the man’s lips.

Ion seemed to get the hint, leaning forward again, the two of them tangling together. It was just chaste, close-lipped kisses, but each one felt world-changing. They were faint and rapid and yet they left Jason breathless, his body trembling as those lips moved from his mouth to his cheek, slowly moving towards his neck. He tightening his grip on the man’s hair, squeezing his eyes shut, too stunned in that moment to think of something smart to say.

Before it could go further– Jason wanted it to, he really really did– there was a noise. A loud, wall being broken kind of noise. He swore, springing away from his dance partner, his head turning towards the sound. Sure enough, Artemis stood in the middle of the hole in the wall, sword in hand, standing a few feet away from a woman with a really impressive fur coat. Like, wow, that thing looked expensive.

Jason is mature enough to admit that he did groan in annoyance, turning to look at Ion and flashing him the most apologetic smile he could muster, before pulling out his pistol from under his shirt and charging into danger. The club descended into chaos as he lunged forward, ducking as Artemis’ sword went flying over his head. The Amazonian paused only to throw his jacket and helmet towards him, shooting him a withering look over her shoulder before body slamming an absolutely massive thug into a speaker.

 

* * *

 

 

Jason’s breath came out in a wheeze as he sat down on the rooftop, his hand pressed against his very bruised ribs. Below the city thrived, unaware that the Red Hood had just saved around twelve kids from being smuggled to who-knows-where for who-knows-why. The billboard overhead blanketed him in a green light, the sign boasting about an energy drink Jason would never try. 

“Yknow,” he called, turning his head to look at where Artemis stood. “A warning would have been fantastic. Nothing too big just a, ‘hey Jason look out there’s a really big dude who’s about to hit you with a chair’ would have done.”

Artemis scoffed, sitting down next to him and dusting off her dress. Jason watched her out of the side of his eye, sizing her up as she looked out at the city below them. Most of her makeup was gone now and she had removed all of the fake nails on her right hand. Now she just looked like herself, not a sorority girl looking for a good time.

“You are uninjured?” she questioned after a moment, not bothering to turn and look at him. Jason grunted in affirmation.

“Yeah, nothing but bruises.” He confirmed. Artemis made a sound that resembled approval, or perhaps relief. “I’m sorry things with the bartender didn’t work out.”

It really did suck. Artemis seemed pretty smitten but, apparently, someone who could suplex a six-foot-tall goon was too much for some people. Cowards. Artemis just hummed next to him, her wrist guards glinting in the city light.

“I’m sorry your dance partner vanished.”

That also sucked. Jason had looked, hoping to at least say something to the man after the battle. But Ion was gone. No one had seen him, no one had even noticed him arrive in the club in the first place. It was a bit disheartening, to be honest, but Jason would never admit it out loud.

“We fucking suck at finding people to date.” he sighed, falling onto his back and glaring up at the city stained sky. Artemis chuckled, finally sparing him a glance. The city formed a halo around her, turning her red hair into orange flames. Her lips curled up into a half-smile, the only kind of smile she allowed to show in public. 

Slowly she moved and laid next to him, folding her arms behind her head. “Would you rather go back to dating each other instead?” Jason scoffed at that, rolling his eyes so hard he was sure they were going to get stuck.

“Yeah, because that went so well last time." He drawled, "Artemis I’m pretty sure the only person that's a bigger lesbian than you is Kate Kane. And, honestly, it’s a close competition” Artemis’ smile grew upon hearing his words, and she closed her eyes, humming in response.

"I suppose I agree. You were not a very enjoyable romantic partner."

"Fuck you, I'm a fucking delight to date." Artemis had the audacity to snort and Jason swatted at her. His hand making contact with her bicep and ok, Jason, don't hit Amazonians. They have muscles made out of fucking steel. "But, anyway, we're not talking about how I'm a wonderful boyfriend. We're talking about the guy I met. A really, really hot guy. Artemis did you see that guy?"

"Yes Jason, I did see him."

"Holy shit." Jason groaned, the last hour playing through his mind like a movie. "He looked just like Kyle. It was so fucking weird. Why did he look so much like Kyle?"

"Perhaps you're projecting your feelings on others." Jason turned to face her, his eyes narrowed, trying to glare a hole through her head. Slowly she turned, her gaze holding a challenge. He stuck his tongue out at her in response and she laughed, her eyes watering as her whole body was wracked with chuckles, finally letting her guard crash all the way down.

Overhead, just out of their sight, a trail of green soared through the sky. It spun, shooting up and into the stars. Maybe, if the two of them listened as hard as they could, they could hear giddy laughter.


End file.
